wide awake

i used to be wide awake with sadness, worry and grief. now i am wide awake with joy, and happiness and hope. I am so excited about my life, my world and my future.

 it is an amazing thing when you find yourself in the midst of pain and despair and you reach out and begin to really live out loud, the way life was meant to be lived. every sense is sharpened. your fears are put aside as you begin to embrace risks as a way to experience the world you live in and the world inside your mind.

 suddenly mundane things take on new meanings, even words sound different and your life grows richer than you ever thought possible. you try new things and they echo deep within you as you reach that place in your soul that you forgot existed and you suddenly become overwrought with the beauty all around you.

 tonight i need no sleep, my mind is filled with images of people i have met while traveling, their stories come like it was yesterday not months ago. you wonder and worry what has happened to those people who filled your life merely for days or hours or just a few moments at a bus stop, or in a diner.

 Are they happy? did she tell her mom that her boyfriend beat her? did his new job work out or did he go home full of shame for failing? did he and his estranged wife make it work this time? did that lady get the help she needed to cope? has that lonely girl found friends and a sense of belonging? did that cowboy find someone to keep him company way out in middle of nowhere? is that european girl telling her friends about her funny adventures?

it matters to me even though i will never know. i still think of those young deaf indian teenagers and hope someone helps them raise their baby, and sees the love shining in their eyes. and the woman who cared for her aging mother and neglected herself? was someone giving her love and support today? was she giving herself love too?

i think of all the people i have yet to meet, the stories that i have yet to hear and the places i will be when i hear them. it humbles me these people who share their stories with me a stranger, perhaps because it is easier to tell a stranger on the bus than the people who might throw them out, leave or abandon them.

 i am blessed to hear their struggles and joys, to laugh with them at the absurdities of life and to share their experiences in life. nothing matters to me more than this.